A Tragic Heart Read online

  “No. Tay, are you crying? Are you okay?”

  Jackson has always been so caring. That’s another thing people don’t know about him. He’s one of the most kind-hearted people you’ll ever meet.

  “I’m easy,” I say blandly.

  There’s nothing else to say. It’s the only way I think of myself now.

  “What are you—oh. Mason? Tay, I was kidding when I say make sure he straps. I didn’t mean to actually have sex. Tay, you were a virgin and you don’t know this guy well enough. What if he just used you?” he says, worried and annoyed at the same time.

  That’s another thing I love about Jackson. He doesn’t tell you things to make you feel better; he just tells the truth. At the moment, his truth wasn’t making me feel any better.

  “I know and I’m sorry. I just wish you were here. You make everything simple.”

  “Well, I can’t make this one simple for you. This is something you have to deal with on your own. But even so, I’ll be there if you need me.”

  “Thanks,” I whisper while wiping away my tears. “But on the plus side, he made me his official girlfriend tonight,” I say with a small laugh.

  “Yeah, well, I bet he did,” Jackson says, trying to calm himself down.

  There’s an uncomfortable silence.

  “Jackson?”

  “Huh?” he says, sounding as if his mind is in a different place.

  “I love you and I really miss you”

  “Me too, Tay.”

  After hanging up with Jack, I feel a little better; but then I start to remember what happened tonight. All I can think is that I was lonely, and Mason Taylor was there.

  ***

  I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. I look at the clock. It’s 12:20 p.m.

  “What?” I ask, irritated.

  “Ewww, is that how you always answer your phone?”

  “Oh hey, Mason. Sorry. I didn’t see it was you.”

  “Uh-huh, get up. I want to spend the day with you.”

  I never thought I’d hear those words come out of Mason Taylor’s mouth. But I like the way they sound.

  “Okay. Where are we going?” I ask, still half asleep.

  “Anywhere you want.”

  “Well, there’s not much to do here.”

  “We can always catch a movie and dinner. It’ll be a classic first date.”

  “Sounds great,” I say, forcing myself to wake up.

  “Be ready. I’m picking you up at three.”

  As I make up my bed and start to get ready for our date, I wonder if last night is on his mind. Is he thinking about it like I am? Was it even a big deal to him? Because it was for me. That’s the scary part: not knowing how Mason feels. It’s just that he knows so much about me and I don’t really know him at all. I know that he makes me happy and makes me feel a way no one else has ever made me feel. I know he likes to write, he’s a great point guard, and he took my virginity. But I don’t know anything else. Is that bad? I’m still trying to figure it out.

  ***

  Mason looks amazing. That’s all I know. Something about him shines brighter than ever, and I can’t figure it out but I don’t care. The movie and dinner are great, but for some reason Mason outshines them both. Again, I don’t know why; all I know is that I’m lying next to the guy I adore.

  “Mason?”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  “How come I don’t know much about you, but you know everything about me?”

  “Because you never try to get to know me.”

  “What do you mean? You’re supposed to tell me about yourself,” I say, slightly annoyed.

  He smiles a little. “Relax, babe. I’ll tell you all you want to know.”

  “What’s your favorite color?”

  “I have two: red and white.”

  That explains the room.

  “Who’s your best friend?”

  “Peyton.”

  “Really? Your cousin is your best friend?”

  “Yeah, he’s more like my brother. He’s been through a lot, and I kind of went through it all with him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him.”

  There’s a strange silence for a few seconds.

  “A few years ago, his mom died,” Mason continues. “He was devastated. He was only thirteen years old and he and his stepdad don’t get along. His heart is still a bit…tragic from it all. The only person he had was me. We were always close, but ever since that day, we’ve been inseparable. I support everything he does and vice versa. “

  “Poor Peyton. I had no idea.” At that moment, I realize that Peyton could be my best friend. We both lost someone who meant the world to us. He’s the owner of a tragic heart and so am I.

  Mason moves closer to me. “Yeah, well, for the most part he’s okay now. I’d say he turned out pretty great.”

  “Well, I don’t know him too well, but from what I’ve seen he’s a pretty good guy.”

  I feel that Mason is keeping something from me. Like he wants to say more about Peyton but doesn’t. Or maybe he can’t. Then I start thinking about last night and wondering if he thinks it meant anything.

  “Hey Mason?”

  “Uh-huh?”

  “Was last night weird for you? Like, did it mean anything to you at all? Or was it impulsive?”

  “Babe, last night was amazing for me. I know it must’ve been scary for you since it was your first time, but I tried to make it as comfortable as possible. I won’t hurt you, if that’s what you’re trying to ask. You’re still as amazing to me as when I first saw you, and nothing about last night was impulsive for me.”

  He tells me exactly what I want to hear. I just hope it’s true.

  Mason gets up and goes over to his desk. He opens the drawer, takes some papers out, and walks back over to me.

  “What is this?” I ask as he hands the papers to me.

  “My writings. I never share them with anyone. If you really want to know me, just read these. All my feelings lie in your hands. I’m just going to warn you that it’s raw, defiant, and heartbreaking at times. So if you truly want to know me, who I am, it’s all here.”

  I have no words; just the urge to kiss him. And so I do.

  ***

  Mason pulls up to my house and the only thing I can think is, Don’t make me go back there. When I’m with him, all my problems disappear. I am the silly girl in the book, and he is my Prince Charming. He kisses me and my mind goes blank. For a second, I am nothing and he is everything.

  “So I guess I’ll see you on Monday?” he says after he pulls his lips away from mine.

  “Guess so.”

  “And Taylor, I’ll be picking you up for school from now on…if that’s okay with you?”

  It’s everything I dreamed. How is it that everything I ever wanted has become a reality almost overnight? A part of me worries that I’ll suffer a sudden free fall. You know, the part in the story where everything goes wrong just as quickly as it went right? If it’s this easy, I should always prepare myself for a crash. It’s the law of life’s physics, isn’t it?

  “It’s okay with me,” I say, smiling, as I get out of the car.

  I walk into the house, forgetting everything. I forget I am grounded until I hear my mother yelling at me. “What part of grounded don’t you understand?”

  “Honestly, I don’t understand any of it,” I say tonelessly.

  “That’s it, Taylor! I am so tired of you and your smartass mouth!” my father yells.

  “And what are you going to do about it? Ground me a second time? Because it worked so well before, right Dad? Besides, I don’t deserve you as parents, so I can’t possibly be the picture-perfect daughter you’re dreaming of! That’s what you have Kristen for, remember?”

  As I storm up the stairs, I see Kristen staring at me—maybe because I insulted her, or maybe because she’s just being nosey since she heard her name. Either way, I couldn’t care less. It only takes a second for me to go back into my dark place. I go into my
room, get undressed, and start a bath for myself. While in the bath, I take a razor and cut my wrists. Not to kill myself, just to bleed a little. I watch as the droplets of blood mix with my bath water. I like to think that I’m sacrificing myself and asking God for forgiveness for the sins that I’ve caused. For my father’s sin of helping to create me and my mother’s sin of making the decision to have me. And in that moment, I feel saved…

  ***

  Sunday is a drag, but what else is new? I speak to Mason for a few hours and decide to read his writings and poetry. He’s a true talent. His words are like the perfect chords and lyrics. I wonder if it’s possible to fall in love in a week. If it is, I think I’m in love with Mason Taylor.

  On Monday, I walk into the school building hand in hand with Mason. Everyone stares, but I can’t blame them. Last week, I was the freak who no one spoke to; this week, I’m the president’s wife. It’s all brand new to me, so it feels a little weird to be around Mason and his crew all day long. He won’t even let me sit at my table during lunch. I sit at his usual table, the only quiet one besides Peyton. I couldn’t help but stare at Peyton and wonder if he still feels the pain his mother’s death caused. I wonder if he thinks about her every time he’s quiet or alone. I know I think about it a lot. I just wonder how much Peyton and I truly are alike. One of these days, I’d love to talk to him about everything he’s been through. I want him to tell me his secrets and to tell him mine. For some odd reason, I want us to be best friends…maybe like Jackson and me.

  “So Taylor, what are you going to do about Jizelle?” Peyton asks.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you know she and her followers are really hating you right now. They may even try something.”

  “Let them. I don’t care. She saw what happened to her last time.”

  “Oooh, wow! You know, I really like you. Just letting you know if they try anything I’m on your side,” he says with that smile that’s just as beautiful as Mason’s.

  “Thanks, Peyton.” I blush.

  “Hey, Peyton man, I don’t appreciate you calling my girl a follower,” Jagger protests.

  “It is what it is, man,” Peyton responds dryly.

  I love how he has my personality. He doesn’t care about what comes out of his mouth; he just says it. But somewhere deep down, there’s something very insecure about him. It’s a something I’d like to get to know.

  Mason and I have to stay after school with Mrs. Storms to tell her how the story is coming along. She loves the story so far, but she tells us that it’s for some contest, so we have to work on perfecting it. She says she’s really captivated by the main character.

  “I told you that you’d make a great story,” Mason says, putting his arm around my shoulders as we walk through the school hallway. I catch Jizelle, Keely, and Alison’s cold stares, but that doesn’t bother me. I have Mason, and that is that.

  ***

  The next month goes by smoothly. I’m still with Mason. We won the writing contest and we got our story published. Best of all, I have not once picked up a razor or a box cutter. Mason has truly changed me. He’s helped me become a person I thought never existed. He’s everything a girl wishes her boyfriend could be. He’s a gentleman, polite, spontaneous, and romantic—not to mention that he’s an entertaining host of sleepovers.

  It’s now July, my birthday month, and Mason keeps promising me this will be a birthday that I will never forget. I try to get him to tell me what he has planned, but he refuses. He just lets me know that I won’t be disappointed.

  “Mason, just tell me already! You know I hate surprises!” I say in a whiny voice, while letting the ocean waves hit my feet.

  “Wait for three more days and you’ll find out!”

  “But Mason—”

  “Taylor!”

  “Yes?” I say in a soft voice.

  “Do you love me?”

  “You know that I do. Why bother asking?”

  “Okay, then trust me,” he says, gazing into my green eyes as though he hopes to find something more than an answer.

  “Mason Dale Taylor, what are you planning on doing?” I ask in a serious voice.

  “Don’t worry about it now, Taylor Alexandria Caldwell,” he says in a sarcastic tone, giving me the most beautiful stare in the world. “Are you willing to go the mile with me?”

  “Mason, I’m willing to do anything with you, no matter how crazy it may be.”

  “Good. I was hoping you’d say that. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Never have those words slipped off of my tongue as easily as they do now. I remember when I could only tell Jackson that I loved him and now I’m saying those very same words to a guy—a guy I didn’t know until two months ago. But the words come out so right, and the feeling is mutual. I love Jackson, but I love Mason in a much different way. Just thinking about how far Mason and I have come in these past two months gives me butterflies, so I grab his hand and continue walking with him on the beach as the sun begins to set.

  “I wonder what our kids would look like,” I say, staring straight up at the sky.

  “Well, I’m guessing like us,” he says, looking at me with love in his eyes and a kind-hearted smile.

  “I know that, but, like, what features will they have?”

  “I’m thinking we may not know whose features the child has because ours aren’t too far apart.”

  “You think we look alike?”

  “Not exactly, but we do have some of the same features. We both have jet-black hair and green eyes.”

  After he finishes those last words, I surprise him with a kiss.

  “And what was that for?”

  “Mason Taylor, I want to have your kids,” I say, staring into his eyes more seriously than I ever have before.

  “Now?” he asks, surprised.

  “Now, ten years from now, what does it matter?” I say.

  “Taylor Caldwell, you are insane, and that’s why I am so in love with you,” he says softly. And then he kisses me like he never has before. I have a good feeling about this surprise.

  I would have sworn today couldn’t have gotten any better. And then I get home, open the door, and I’m greeted by none other than Jackson. I stop in amazement until I realize what’s going on. Jackson is home from tour; a few months of traveling suddenly make it feel like I haven’t seen him in years.

  “JACKSON!” I scream, jumping into his arms.

  I feel as if I’m five again and I’m excited that my dad is finally home. The only difference is that Jackson lifts me up in the air and greets me by telling me how much he missed me.

  “When did you get here?” I ask, excitement still in my voice.

  “About two hours ago. Where have you been? Wait, don’t answer that—with Mason?”

  I smile. “Of course.”

  “You’re getting really serious with this guy, huh?” he asks with concern.

  Before I can reply, my mom answers for me. “A little too serious, if you ask me.”

  I roll my eyes and wonder what the hell she’s doing home so early. “Well, it’s a good thing no one asked you,” I say bluntly.

  “Do you hear how she speaks to me, Jack? Do you see what she’s become since you’ve been gone?” Eva blurts as if she’s some kind of victim in this case.

  “Mom, give her break. She’s in love with him. It’s her first love; we all had one,” Jackson says, sounding informative rather than argumentative.

  “I just don’t understand how you can side with her, Jack,” my mother says, disappointed.

  Jack. She uses his pet name hoping that he’ll cling to her more; hoping that he’ll take her side. Or maybe she’s trying to get closer to him now because she failed as a mother when he was a child. But Jackson’s my brother and my best friend; he’ll never take her side.

  “I’m not siding with anyone. All I’m saying is that she’s not a kid anymore, and if she wants to get serious with Mason, then she can,” J
ackson states.

  Soon enough, Eva walks away and it’s just me and my Jackson again.

  “Well, you let her have it!” I say, very pleased.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he says blandly. “Now, back to you and Mason.”

  “What about me and Mason?” I ask with a sigh.

  “How serious is it?”

  “Very,” I say, puzzled. Where is he going with this?

  “Be careful. I’m not saying this to try to rain on your parade, but you’re both still young. If you’re positive about him, make sure he loves you more than you love him. That way, you know you can never lose alone in your relationship,” Jackson says in a somber tone.

  “I’ll be sure to remember that!”

  “And I have one more thing I want to tell you. I wanted you to be the first to know,” Jackson says with a worried look on his face.

  “W-what is it?” I ask nervously.

  “We got the deal!”

  “Th-the record deal? Jackson, that’s amazing!” I jump up, ecstatic for him. “I’m so glad you were worth rooting for,” I joke, hugging him.

  “Well, I’m glad that I could be worth it to you.” He laughs and hugs me back.

  “You’re officially a major recording artist, and I couldn’t be more proud of you!”

  I begin thinking about Peyton and his band. I remember telling him that I’d talk to my brother about it. Now that Jackson is a major recording artist, I’m more than sure he can put in a good word for Peyton and his band.

  “Hey, Jackson?” I sit next to him on the couch in the living room I’m hardly ever in.

  “Yeah, Tay?”

  “How is it on tour?”

  “It’s great! I miss home sometimes, and it can get lonely, but overall it’s good. Why?”

  “I have this friend who has a band and they’re doing a lot of gigs now, but I was hoping that you could help them out. I heard them play last month and they’re really good.”

  “Sure, I’d be more than happy to help. But first I have to hear them play. I’ll take your word for it because you know good music, but you know that as an artist, I have to actually feel what they’re putting out. Whose band is it?”

  “Mason’s cousin, Peyton.”

  “The kid with the fiery-red hair who sent that other kid to the hospital a while back?”