A Tragic Heart Read online

  I see Peyton smirk a little and Jagger laugh while Keely and Alison look like I just shot down the president—probably because to them, I did.

  “It speaks!” Jizelle says condescendingly. “Listen, I know you like him. Remember I was your best friend before I grew sense. And just letting you know, he doesn’t like you. You’re not his type. So don’t even bother.”

  “Jizelle, get over yourself. I don’t want Mason. It’s called a school paper—something I don’t think you know about, since you spend all your time planning a way to get back with him because you just can’t accept the fact that he doesn’t want you. And you obviously didn’t grow any type of sense because if you had, you would realize that you’re not his type…and I don’t have to know him to know that.”

  Stupid high school girls; they’re immature. And I’ve fallen right into their trap, but I must admit: it felt good. As I walk away, I feel my head pull back involuntarily. Before I know it, I’m on the floor. Well, if she wants to fight, it’s a fight she’ll get.

  I quickly get up and before she can even comprehend it, my fist paints her nose red. I grab her hair and once again, my fist meets her face. I can’t stop it. The anger is too great; it is too strong. I am too strong. I feel my body lift up in the air. My feet no longer touch the ground. It’s Peyton. He picks me up while Jagger grabs Jizelle. I still fight until Peyton somehow manages to calm me down. But by then, the principal is face to face with me.

  “Caldwell, Adams, in my office. Immediately!”

  ***

  I’m suspended. For the rest of the week and it’s only Tuesday. I’m about to get in my car when I hear someone call my name. I turn around and it is none other than Mason. That’s when I realize what I did. I gave his ex a new facial; his ex who is still his friend. I wonder if he’s mad. I wouldn’t blame him if he is.

  “I’m sorry, Mason but I have to go!” I say quickly, not looking him in those beautiful, green eyes.

  “Just a second.” He closes my car door, preventing me from getting in.

  “What the hell!” I say. “I have to go!”

  “Do you really? Or are you ignoring me because you think I’m mad because you beat the living hell out of my ex?” He has a serious tone. He must be mad.

  “Both,” I say, looking down.

  He laughs. He laughs!

  “What’s so funny?” I ask, confused.

  “She had it coming. Peyton told me what happened, and I’m not angry at all. I find it pretty amusing.”

  “I see,” I say, still confused.

  “You’re a tough girl. I should’ve seen that in you. I was thinking maybe you should come over now so we can get started on this thing.”

  “Now? Uh, sure. I guess that’s fine.” Anything is better than spending the day in my room with nothing to do but write journal entries and listen to depressing rock songs.

  “Cool. Just follow my car,” he says, unlocking the door to his Lexus.

  ***

  Mason’s house is huge. Kind of like mine. His dad is a civil engineer, and his mom is an architect. And I thought my parents were always busy.

  “So no one’s home?” I ask.

  “Nope. My parents are always busy with work.”

  “I know the feeling. But doesn’t Peyton live here also?”

  “Yeah, but he’s always out. Peyton does his own thing. He’s mostly with his band and when he’s not with them, he’s off getting into some type of trouble.”

  “Peyton’s in a band?”

  “Lead singer and guitarist.”

  “Wow. I would’ve never thought. What kind of trouble does he enjoy getting into?” I ask a little too curiously.

  “The usual rebellious teenage stuff. Drinking, occasional drugs, partying too hard. But overall, he’s a good guy.”

  I want to know more, but I’m afraid to get too personal, so I decide not to respond.

  “So what about your brother?” Mason asks. “I heard he’s on tour with his band. I saw the pictures on their website.”

  “Yeah, Jackson’s doing great. You listen to their music?”

  “Of course. Who in this town doesn’t? Your brother’s like a rock legend here! It’s not every day someone makes it out of this town with their dream in hand.”

  “Yeah, I tend to forget that.”

  “That’s why people wonder why you aren’t more popular.” He pauses for a while. “But I think it’s cool that you’re not like everyone else. It’s another reason why you’d make a great story.”

  The story. I’d completely forgotten that was the whole point of my being here. I enjoy the concept of getting to know Mason. He is fairly easy to talk to.

  “Well, I guess we should get started on that story then, huh?” I ask purposely aiming my eyes towards the floor.

  “Yeah, we should. You want anything to eat before we start?”

  “No, thanks. I’m good.” I smile.

  He makes me smile. More than anyone ever has.

  ***

  The story is coming out great so far. We’d probably be done by next week or so if we keep working at this rate. He knows me better than I thought. It’s as if he’s watched me my entire life. He sees me and all that I am capable of being. He knows my anger, my hurt, and my love that wants to be noticed. I was all wrong about Mason. He’s nothing like I thought. He’s not a jock who hides behind his sport. He doesn’t hide behind anything. He’s just himself and he shows it. Not to mention, he’s drawn to me.

  As soon as I open the door to my house, my mom is yelling at me. “Where the hell have you been? You got suspended from school and you didn’t come straight home! You had your father and me worried sick about you!”

  “You guys worried about me? That’s a first!” I say rudely.

  “Don’t you dare speak to me in that tone! We give you everything you want, and you say we don’t care about you? You are an ungrateful child who doesn’t deserve us as parents!”

  I don’t deserve them as parents. Is that really what she thinks, or is she just upset? Maybe I should’ve called and told them where I was, but that doesn’t give her the right to say that I don’t deserve them as parents. As far as I’m concerned, they don’t deserve me as a daughter.

  “Eva, maybe you’re right. I don’t deserve you as a parent. I’m not good enough for you or Henry. But I just have to let you know, as much as I’m a crappy daughter, you two are even crappier parents!”

  As I rush up the stairs, my father yells at me not to speak to my mother that way and that I’m grounded…or something like that. I stopped listening to them the moment they stopped acknowledging that I exist.

  I go to my least favorite part of the house: my room. It’s so lonely there and it makes me think too much. I get out my favorite pocketknife, take off my jacket, and carve a wavy line in my shoulder. Crazy, crazy me.

  ***

  I wake up, and somehow it is Friday. These past few days have been hell. I’m grounded, so I can’t go anywhere; and I have no friends, so I can’t do anything. But tonight, that’s going to change. Tonight I’m breaking my parent’s rules and I’m going to Mason’s party at nine. He called to make sure I was coming, and I told him I wouldn’t miss it. I don’t care if my parents won’t find me in my room. I want to show them how much I don’t deserve them as parents. I decide to wear the most revealing outfit that I have, courtesy of my rock-star brother. Most brothers would try to prevent their little sisters from dressing like a Playboy bunny, but my brother isn’t most brothers. He’s Jackson Caldwell, town legend, a proud supporter of debauchery, and the self-proclaimed “hot guy who all the girls love.” What most people don’t know about him is that he’s really smart and musically, he’s a genius. It’s obvious he’s good at what he does, but people don’t know him like I do. He’s always been my best friend. He has always been the one to tell me there’s more to life than just living. I’m still trying to figure out what he means by that. I hope to find out someday.

  All this thinking
about Jackson is starting to make me miss him. So I decide to call my best friend and the best brother in the world.

  “Hey, kid! I haven’t heard from you in a week!” He really sounds excited to hear from me, and that makes me feel a lot better.

  “I know. I’ve been busy getting suspended and stuff like that.”

  “Suspended? Who did you fight now?”

  “Jizelle.”

  “Your best friend? Well, ex-best friend?”

  “Yeah, that’s the bitch.” I laugh. He always makes me smile.

  He laughs too, and that makes me happy—just for a while.

  “What happened?” he asks, concerned this time, so I decide to tell him the story.

  “So you like Mason?” he asks when I finish.

  “NO!”

  “Liar! I always know when you’re lying. You’re my best friend, remember?”

  “So maybe I do like him, but that’s none of her business.”

  “And you’re right about that! So I’m guessing Mom and Dad are pretty pissed?”

  I laugh. “Yeah, just a little. I’m grounded, but I’m still going to Mason’s party tonight. I’m going to sneak out. And the best part is that I’m going to wear the outfit you got me the last time I went to one of your shows.”

  He laughs and says, “That’s great! I’m sure you’re going to look hot, and every guy there will be all over you. But I’m still your brother, so I’m going to tell you to be careful. And try not to get caught by Mom and Dad. Oh yeah, and don’t get too drunk, you should stop at tipsy…and make sure Mason straps.”

  “Ewwwww, I’m not having sex with Mason Taylor…not tonight, at least,” I say jokingly.

  “Suuurrree—if you say so, Tay. I have to go now because we’re about to do a quick sound check.”

  “All right, cool. Have fun! Love ya!”

  “Love you, too.”

  He’s the only person I say that to. I don’t even tell my sister that I love her. I mean I do love her, but we’re just two totally different people. Jackson and I always had this connection. He’s like the Mason of the town, all the girls love him. He’s a star in some sort of way, but once you really speak to him, you see there’s so much more. Something you never thought you’d see. I’m not sure what it is, but I do know that it’s great.

  Aside from his dark hair and comforting, brown eyes, there’s something much more attractive about Jackson Caldwell. I think it’s his spirit, or maybe his soul. I think if we were to strip away Jackson’s celebrity good looks and complicated-yet-simple persona, we’d find something surprising. I think we’d find an angel that’s hidden in the very depths of his soul. And even if we don’t, he’ll always be my angel on earth. Not to mention, the best big brother anyone could ever wish for.

  I begin to feel empty, so I decide to listen to one of Jackson’s favorite modern bands. The song blasts from my speakers, and I begin to notice just how much I miss Jackson. I would give anything just to be with him right now.

  Words can’t express how much I love this song. I think about the times Jackson and I spent together watching one of our favorite children’s movies, The Nightmare Before Christmas. Whenever Jackson isn’t around, it’s like a part of me is missing. I know he feels the same way about me. He’s always that voice in my head telling me what to or what not to do. I may not listen all the time, but I’m glad his voice is there anyway.

  Right now it seems as if Jackson is the only person who can stop the pain that I’m feeling. Just that quickly, I forget about Mason and his party. I can only think of my brother and how much he really means to me. It’s like everything is standing still. I miss him, and nothing else matters.

  It’s already after nine, and I’m not even ready for Mason’s party. I’m not really feeling up to going. I’m thinking about calling Mason and telling him that I don’t feel too great, but then I come to my senses and realize that this is Mason I’m talking about. He’s the only boy who is drawn to me; possibly, the only boy of my dreams.

  So I rush and put on the cleavage-revealing, thigh-showing, too-tight shirt Jackson bought me…or at least I feel like I’m only wearing a shirt—a “barely there” shirt. The tight black dress that Jack bought me is revealing a bit more than any parent would approve of. Jackson didn’t stop at the extremely revealing dress; he just had to buy me black heels to go with it. There are times that I hate him, but I guess I can’t hate him for too long, since he did give me something to wear to Mason’s party.

  By the time I finish my hair, it’s already after ten. I’m going to be fashionably late. In girl world, this is a perfect way to make an entrance; or at least that’s what they say on TV. I sneak out of my front door after making sure my parents weren’t in the living room and get into my car, hoping that I’m making the right decision.

  Mason’s house is loud and crowded. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he knows the entire town and the next two towns over. Everyone’s head turns when I walk in—boys and girls. I guess they didn’t know the invisible sister of a rock star could look so hot.

  “New look?”

  I turn around. Peyton is standing next to me.

  “Oh, hey! I’m sorry about the last time we saw each other; I was totally out of character.”

  “It’s okay. She had it coming. Nothing you should apologize for.”

  “Is she here now?”

  “No, she’s home tending to both of her black eyes and her broken nose. You gave it to her pretty good, if you ask me,” he says, laughing. He takes a sip from the beer bottle he’s holding.

  His smile is beautiful. It’s the kind of smile that can take away all nervousness and tension in a room, no matter how big. I have no choice but to smile back.

  “So I heard you’re in a band. How’s that going for you?”

  “It’s pretty good. We’re getting a lot of gigs, so that’s cool.”

  “Well, let me know if you need any help. Maybe I can ask my brother sometime.”

  “That would be great. Jackson’s really made a name for himself. He’s smart; he got out of this place and became something more than just your typical small-town student who goes to college to be a lawyer. I admire him for that.”

  Peyton Giordano admires Jackson Caldwell. Maybe we are more alike than I thought. I’m just about to say something when I hear: “Wow, emo girl gone sexy! I like!”

  It’s Jagger.

  “Hey, leave her be.”

  Mason. I’d know that voice anywhere.

  “Taking up for your new girlfriend, I see,” Jagger replies sarcastically, as he mockingly salutes Mason while sloshing his mixture of rum and coke on the floor.

  “So what if I am?” Mason looks at me with a smile.

  Girlfriend? He didn’t deny it. Maybe he didn’t realize Jagger said “girlfriend.”

  “Hey, why don’t you come hang with me for a while?” Mason asks, looking at me with hopeful eyes.

  I turn to look at Peyton, with whom I was in the middle of a conversation, only to see that he’s already begun talking to someone else. There’s nothing else to do but follow Mason.

  He takes me into a big room with a flat-screen television, a mini living room area on one side, and a bedroom on the other side. Everything is red and white except the hardwood floor.

  “Your room?” I ask.

  “Yup. I just wanted some time alone with you.”

  “Girlfriend?” I say without thinking.

  “What?” he asks.

  I almost panic. Maybe he’s already forgotten the comment Jagger made downstairs. “Jagger said you were taking up for your girlfriend, and you didn’t deny it,” I say swiftly.

  Once again, the words spill out fast and hard. Where is all this confidence coming from? Maybe it’s the dress.

  “Oh, yeah, that. I didn’t think you caught that one,” he says with a sexy smirk.

  “Of course I did.”

  “Am I moving too fast for you? Do you want to get to know me better before we make it of
ficial? Because I already know you. I’ve known you for some time now…not to sound weird or anything.”

  This has to be a dream. Things like this don’t happen in real life. I of all people should know this. Some things are too good to be true, and this is one of them.

  “What makes you so sure you know me?” I ask, almost in a whisper.

  “Because I know every girl in this town, and you’re the total opposite of them all. You’re beautiful, smart, complicated, misunderstood, and every other element that makes a person amazing and worth it.”

  I am speechless. It seems like Mason is a pro at more than just basketball. He can capture a girl’s heart within a matter of seconds. I just hope these aren’t just empty words.

  “Well, if that’s the case, I don’t think it’s too fast,” I say, unsure if I actually mean that.

  Then he kisses me. Mason Taylor kisses me, and I kiss him back. I’m nervous and excited all at the same time. He is drawn to me, and I am one step closer to being his color-filled canvas. I must remember to thank Jackson for the “shirt.”

  ***

  I was lonely. That’s the only reason I have for doing what I did. The party is over, and now I’m home in my bed. I don’t know if my parents found out I was gone or not, but right now I don’t even care. I was lonely. And that’s all I know. You may think I’d be happier being Mason Taylor’s new girlfriend, and I am happy, but I’m lonely and that’s all I can say. I want to call Jackson, but it’s too late. It happened and I don’t even know if Jackson can make me feel better. I was lonely and I did what I did. I lost my virginity to Mason Taylor and I can’t do anything about it. I cried and cut already, but nothing made me feel any better. I committed a sin worth waiting for and I’m afraid I gave Mason the only thing he truly wanted from me. I’m easy.

  I decide to call Jackson anyway. I have to confess the terrible thing I did. I can’t feel more like a martyr than I do now.

  “Hello?”

  “I’m sorry I woke you up. Do you want me to hang up?” I ask, my voice cracking from crying.